I got fired from my job at the keyboard factory. They said I wasn't putting in enough shifts.
I accidentally drank a bottle of invisible ink last night. I’m in the hospital now, waiting to be seen.
I should’ve known inventing a boomerang with teeth would come back to bite me.
The difference between a hippo and a Zippo is that one is really heavy and the other is a little lighter.
What has fur and flies? A dead werewolf.
What's tiny and sounds like a pigeon? A smidgen.
My Doo-Wop group broke up, so now we’re a Don’t-Wop group.
What do you call a reluctant potato? A hesitator.
If a bear wears shoes and socks he still has bear feet.
Getting my drone stuck in the tree isn’t the worst thing that happened to me today. But it’s definitely up there.