1. My current wife says she doesn’t like my use of adjectives.
2. I love the look on people’s faces as they stand freezing at the bus stop while I drive past them. It’s partly why I became a bus driver.
3. The guy with the worst grades should get to give a graduation speech too. Let me hear both sides.
4. Whenever I see chocolate, I hear two voices in my head. One of them says, “Eat the chocolate.” And the other one says, “You heard her, eat the chocolate.”
5. My boss arrived at work in a brand new Lamborghini. I said, “Wow, that’s an amazing car.” He replied, “If you work hard, put all your hours in, and strive for excellence, I’ll get another one next year.”
6. My dental health plan is chew on the other side.
7. Dance like no one is watching. Because they aren’t. They’re looking at their phones.
8. I accidentally passed my wife a glue stick instead of her lipstick. She’s still not talking to me.
9. Every person has a story to tell. That’s why I wear earbuds.
10. Cars these days have too many gadgets. I tried to put my car into reverse and it played a video of someone being run over.
11. How to tell you’ve had a successful business meeting: 1) You ate free food. 2) You said one thing that was confusing enough to sound intelligent. 3) You left with no assigned action items.
© 2025 Praveen Puri
